How Should a Man Behave as the Walee of His Own Mother?

In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Ever Merciful…

Often, especially in the West, a man may find himself in the position of being his own mother’s walee (guardian) for marriage.  Of course, we know the walee’s approval is a necessary requirement for the validity of a marriage contract. This predicament can be a difficult one to navigate, since in Islam he is required to obey, respect, and honor his mother. Yet, if she wishes to marry a man whom he is not pleased with, can he actually refuse to consent and prevent such a marriage? How does he balance between obedience to his mother and this apparent position of authority over her, as limited as it may be?

To aid our brothers who are faced with such a dilemma, I posed the following question to Shaykh Muhammad ‘Umar Baazmool (may Allaah bless and preserve him):

شيخنا من كان وليًا لأمه ولاية النكاح كيف يتأدب معها إذا كان لا يواقق على اختيار رجل لها فيه رغبة
Our shaykh, regarding someone who is a walee (guardian) for the marriage of his mother: How does he uphold good manners with her if he does not agree with the choice of a man she is interested in?

He replied:

يذكر لها عيوبه بأدب ويترك لها الخيار وينفذ ما تريده أمه إلا إذا كان يترتب على اختيارها الوقوع في الحرام
He mentions to her his defects (or faults) with good manners. He leaves the decision to her. He fulfills whatever it is that she wants, unless her choice leads to falling into the haraam (impermissible matters).

And Allaah knows best.

Written by: Moosaa Richardson

Source: A question posed directly to the shaykh on 1439.01.17, shared with his permission.

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